The upgrade

Sylvie hates to fly so I broke down at the Japan Air Lines ticket counter and bought the upgrade ticket.  Not an upgrade to First class mind you, just an upgrade from economy to "premium economy". Now that is an oxymoron if I ever heard one. They have 5 different class levels on JAL.  Not exactly going from warm beer to champagne but more like going from beer to table wine.  I knew I would not be rubbing elbows with the cognoscenti  but I would at least be able to console myself by telling my wife, "hey honey, I got us the upgrade."  For me the telltale hallmark of an upgrade in aviation is confirmed when they airline hostess brings you a warm, wet facecloth before your meal, handing them to you with a pair of tongs.  Oh boy I love that, these towelettes will only be touched by our own hands!  When the Oriental ticket counter agent returned from her manager's office with our new upgraded tickets, she had trouble remembering who we were.  She scanned the 4-5 passengers at her counter and looked confused.  Damn, I knew it, she thinks we all look the same!

There were of course different queues  to line up as we got ready to board.  One for each "class".  Damn if they didn't lump us with with all the riff-raff flying "regular" economy. As the real first class passengers started to board I could not help but notice the ticket agents had all lined up at the boarding gate as we prepared to to make our way down the jetway.  As each passenger approached the gate agent, several of the JAL ticket agents would bow as the well heeled business men from first class walked by.  Ah, the Japanese, humble and respectful.  This is how you fly.  By the time all the other passengers in front of us had boarded, it was our turn.  I was one jetway away from moist, warm towelettes and some good wine.  I now was going to be the beneficiary of this respectful treatment from the ticket agent/'bon voyage" party  They say the deeper the bow the more respectful.  As I walked by, two of them were smiling at me, here it comes. I smiled back, held my chin up and glanced at both of them out of the corner of my eyes I slowly sauntered by.  How low would they go, I thought?  as I passed....... nothing!  Not even a damn nod of the head!  What the hell was this!  I spend a fortune on an upgrade and I do not even deserve a little bow from the ticket agent?  The little Japanese guy in first class got a full frontal bow. The damn ticket agent almost fell forward on her face she was so low, had to be helped back upright.  I guess a decent bow from JAL probably starts at Business class.  Fucking towelettes better be warm and moist!

Wow, great features included in the upgrade, wide seats, footrests, personal entertainment screen, electrical outlets.  I was going to get my geek on!  With my Ipad, iphones, noise reducing headphones this was going to be my electronic command center for the next 13 hours and 25minutes.  We were not 25minutes into the flight when, starting at the top of both aisles in the "cattle car plus" section, the two very pretty air hostesses started to slowly make their way towards the back of the section passing out something to each passenger.  Could it be?  I craned my neck.  I saw tongs!  It could only be one thing....towelettes!  I clapped my hands over my face, the towelettes were being handed out!  I swear I could see wisps of steam as she carefully placed each neatly rolled-up hand towel into the open palms of each waiting passenger.  As she approached me and prepared to deliver my little bundle of warm class distinction, my hands trembled slightly but there was no chance I was going to mishandle this two hundred and fifty dollar swatch of opulence.  I carefully unfolded the hot towel and tugged out the four corners.  Shit is was no bigger than a playing card!  I didn't care, it was not about the towel but what it represented.  I quickly dabbed my fingers, my cheek, and just as I started to wipe my right eye, it was over, my little patch of joy had gone cold on me and it's practical use had withered as quickly it came.  Alas, while the experience was ephemeral, the memory of my wipe with decadence would not be.
After a rather nice meal, I quickly fell asleep in the comfortable but somewhat complicated seats that did not recline but instead  they were supposed to slide into a more comfortable position.  After about 15 minutes of light dozing, if felt something cold around my neck and then some other serpentine like thing seemed to be snaking up my eye, WTF!?. I gave out a little yelp in my utter surprise.  
Sylvie came to my rescue and untangled me from my erstwhile killers.  It turned out that I had somehow, while slumbering through  the last vestiges of lemon-infused hand towel fragrance managed to get my face tangled in the two flexible snake lights used for reading.  Sylvie took a picture of the whole debacle.